So for the update... I was heavy, spent 280 some days to weigh 209, then spent a bunch of days to gain it back. Such is life. My diet is getting back on track and today is the first day I ate very clean. I spent a couple of weeks dialing down and weaning things out so it doesn't happen all at once. Then I slowly changed the volume of food I consume. Next I changed the food and the frequency. I have found over the years, if I cold turkey my eating I will be miserable and probably cheat.
Being back in the gym has been great. I love working out. I am happiest when I work out. I don't know that it has anything to do with making me look better or feeling better physically. I imagine that helps but going to the gym for me is a place to relax and zen. My mind is always running even though I may not look like much is going on. When I go to they gym though I am able to turn it off and live in the moment. The only thing I am thinking about is how much this hurts or that burns etc. It is calming and I need to make it a higher priority.
I don't mind looking better, feeling better and all the things associated with going to the gym. What I need to focus on is how to make it more of a priority. Who doesn't like to look better, lose weight, feel better, have a six pack whatever. I think what it is for me is I am not too concerned with "looking" amazing. What I should focus on is why I fail. Why did I do so well, then stop. What is it that made me quit. I love going to the gym for the zen like feeling I get. So why stop? Maybe I get a tolerance for the calm? Maybe I feel like I am there? Maybe I get bored? I really don't know what it is but I think I am going to work more on making going to the gym a priority. The rest will follow.
Where I was at 209...
P.S. NOT photoshopped. It's the power of self tanner.