Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Time For A Change (Day 20)

Waking up today, I have mixed emotions about the gym. In one hand, I want to go to the gym to continue with my progress and continue with my lifestyle change. On the other hand, I feel like I am back at day 1, gained all my fatness back, lost my endurance. I really have no desire to go back to the gym today. I am aware of the "need to have positive thoughts" thing but right now I just want to quit. I feel it is only natural to be lazy, a body loves to be efficient, and wasting calories lifting weights and walking on a treadmill is a waste of energy. That's what my body thinks. Well guess what, I want to feel healthier, so body, you are not in charge today. I get off my unmotivated bum, crawl out of bed and slowly move to the kitchen.

Meal 1 will be Cheerios today. They don't require any work and I can eat right away. I eat my meal, and feel unimpressed with how I feel. I NEED to get back into the gym. This way I can feel a sense of physical accomplishment. The gym is my zen, and I need to go relax. Before I can go I have to talk with my insurance agent. This meeting will fall during meal 2 I will be packing a couple of those yummy Kind Plus bars with me. I head to the meeting.

When I return home, it is already time to eat again. I have chicken and rice with a dash of hot sauce. The chicken and rice have no taste, so a dash of hot sauce gives it nice flavor.  I don't feel as hungry. I think I am adapting to either the eating plan or the sensation of hunger. Either way, I continue to be disciplined.

Time to head to the gym.

I'm on my way to the gym thinking about the amount of time I spend on the treadmill. I am tired of chasing the 60 minute mark. I feel like I have to add minutes to my 51, and someday I will arrive at the 60 minute mark. The 60 minute mark is my goal at the moment. A minute at a time added is working good, but I think I would rather add to the 60 minutes, then chase it. What a great idea, I make my new treadmill time 60 minutes per day. Shaking my head and still driving to the gym. I stop thinking about what I can do, before I create more work for myself.

I finally get to the gym, this week I am starting a new routine. For the past few weeks, I have been working on core strength, flexibility and cardio. Now, I get to do what I love the most. PUMP IRON! I love resistance training the most. I head over to my corner and start off with my core exercises. I start with the plank. I can hold this for quite a while and feel pretty good about it. I have no shaking, or tightness at all. I then jump over to the stability ball and do crunches, 20 of them, slow and controlled. Next is the quadruped opposite arm leg raise, with a side raise. I repeat all four of the exercise one after another, take break, then repeat 4 times. This felt good, but I am ready for some resistance training.

I head over to the Smith machine and do 3 sets of military press. I will not start off heavy or anything, I don't want to hurt my joints, ligaments, or tendons. I want to be sure they get a chance to change with me, not be shocked by a heavy repetitive movement. The exercise feels great. It feels good to be pumping iron again. I just love the pumped feeling muscles get. I also enjoy how they feel after a good workout. The soreness is painful, but you know it is from doing something good. Once I finish this press, I grab a couple of modest weight dumbbells, do 3 sets of Arnie dumbbell presses. My next exercise is a shoulder front raise, then a lateral raise. This is all I will do for resistance training today, eventually I will do more but I don't want to hurt my joints with shock, or be too sore to continue throughout the week. Time for my least favorite part of the gym, cardio.

I head over to the treadmill and notice someone is on it again. I must be selling it really well to everyone or I just have good taste in treadmills. Maybe this person is almost finished, I will get some water and hope they get off my machine. While filling up my Nalgene bottle, I see the thief get off.  I must hurry up so I can get my machine before someone else snags it. Come on water bottle, you never take this long to fill up. I am freed from the water fountain, and quickly walk over to the treadmill that has my name on it.

I climb on, my first thought "60 minutes,  way to go!" Ok, I can do this, but first I must make sure my shoes are perfectly tied and the laces are put away. I do not want them slapping me in the leg. Laces secure, headphones in place, let's do this. I hit quick start and set my pace. The settings are, 3.5mph with an incline of 4.0%. When I first started on the treadmill, my numbers where 3.3mph @ 3%. The need for the increase in speed and incline is to maintain my THR. As I get in "better shape" my body is requiring more work to get the same heart rate. This is a good sign, my heart is getting in shape too.

I watch the timer and it is ticking heavy. I think this will be the longest hour of my life. 30 minutes hits. I am fading fast, I just want to get off and leave. I find myself holding on tightly to the handles, helping support my body weight. Guess what? I am not walking on a treadmill for 60 minutes to relax. Quit holding on and work harder. The 51 minute mark has finally come along. I feel like I have been walking on this treadmill forever, pushing out 51 minutes, to struggle with the last 9 minutes. I am so uncomfortable right now but I will accomplish this. The last 9 minutes took longer than the first 51. Timer reads 60 minutes, I hit stop and slither off. The display prompts me to cool down for 5 minutes, NO THANK YOU! I am not interested in a cool down.
I don't have to like cardio, I just have to do it.

When I leave the gym, I feel so much better. My mixed feelings I had this morning are no longer mixed. I am focused, energized and ready to keep going. I didn't start this, to quit. It will only get harder but the rewards are worth it.

Thanks for reading


  1. cool down is a B...hahah

  2. Good for you. Your little pep talk about being lazy makes it sound so nice. I for sure would have given up. Your strength and will power is amazing! Its very inspiring and you're doing a fantastic job :)

  3. Wow, you're so motivated! I am already looking forward to the next photo updates! I bet you look buff as hell ;)

  4. Amanda culler9/24/13, 12:57 PM

    Im happy you are still at it.. You can do it jay i really know u can

  5. Wow Jay, I feel so bad for you. you sound very board with your work outs, have you thought about doing something you love like maybe biking? or P90X or something that you look forward doing, and not just watching the clock the whole time. I worry your not going to last if your not having enjoyment and feeling excited about working out. Yes you have discipline and your drudging through your workouts, and your doing it now now, but you sound so board. Also you sound that way with your food, like rice a chicken being tasteless and hot sauce helping it. Your food should be life giving and make you feel like your eating amazing food. Maybe you can have a smoothie or Do some juicing in the AM or the night before and have it ready when you wake up. Then for lunch add some salsa to you rice and chicken or eat something that makes you feel great after eating it. I know for me, 10 mouths ago I had to stop eating gluten and I went vegan. I can't have soy or nuts so I felt like OMG! I can't have this and i can't have that, and I drove myself nuts thinking of all the foods I can't have. So if I wanted dinner I would say ok well it has to be no soy, no nut's, no meat, no dairy, no nothing right. I was just stuck on what I could't have. So I went to you tube and found lots of food I could eat, and I started to love food all over. Like to tonight I had black beans,brown rice, with seasonings, tomatoes juice. on top of a rice tortilla. Then I put fresh cut up cherry tomatoes, Roman lettuce, and purple onion on top. Not only does it taste great but it looks amazing. All the colors and different flavors and you can small before you take a bit, it is amazing. I hope I helped a little and hope you start to enjoy eating and the gym more. By the way I have went from 375 to 310 and 10 mo's, I don't think I would have been about to have done it if I did not change my prospective on the why I seen food.